SPIRIT HALLOWEEN'S SLIM: A TRAVESTY AND A TRAGEDY

I'm on a Killer Klowns bender right now, so I thought I'd finally spills my guts about this stupid prop. For their 2023 season, Spirit Halloween offered us another long awaited Klown animatronic. The next logical step after Shorty, the children of the community were enthralled to hear that Slim is coming to a Spirit Halloween near you! Oh God. This is going to end in heartbreak (and make a skeleton cry.) 

The first subjective red flag is that this prop is manufactured by Party Time, which is no surprise considering that they manufactured 2021's Shorty. He actually had an alright sculpt, I mean it definitely looks like Shorty (if you squint a little.) But the 2022 season killed any respect I had for this company. Nothing but awful, head-splitting FECES from them that year. Don't worry, creeps, I'll talk about 2022 in time. But just know that this company is not the first thing I think of when the word "quality" seeps into my brain. 

Now the animatronic itself has a coffin box full of its own personal issues. The only credit I will give it is that, yeah, it really does look like Slim from the side, and the body is completely fine. But everything changes once you look at this thing from the front, which you will be doing often if you own it. HOLY SHIT! That's not Slim! It's like these jackasses took his name literally. I've yet to see anyone point out just how, well, skinny his head is. Slim has a damn big head in the film, I don't understand why they couldn't just make it a tad bit bigger considering the price tag (we'll get to price later...) And why does he have such a protruding chin? His chin in the movie is literally pressed up against his neck, it's practically part of his neck. Another problem are his eyes, which are just too squinty. In every memorable scene, you can clearly see that he has really droopy stoner lids, which seems to have gotten lost in translation. 

Speaking of memorable scenes, WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY THINKING WITH THIS ANIMATION?!? Out of anything Slim has done in the film, with the whole shadow puppet fiasco and even just the ray gun for Christ's sake! Why the bag?! Who at Spirit corporate made this decision?! It's so voraciously underwhelming that I even recall some people claiming that it's inaccurate! But yes, he did have a bag in the movie. Such a memorable prop. Everyone associates Slim with his iconic bag! Don't you? I do not. Not only is this concept for a fucking Slim animatronic just bizarre, but the animation is weird itself. He just bends over and laughs? I guess his arms open to show what's inside the bag, but it's just a crusty JPEG of popcorn. Isn't it canonically called 'Korn' in the movie? Lol. I digress. 

Maybe I'd forgive everything about this wasted opportunity if it was cheap, you know, reinforcing that it's just a retail prop and the price reflects the quality. FOUR. HUNDRED. FUCKING. BOOOOOOOONNNESSS!!!!!!! Do you know how many beautiful professionally manufactured Distortions Unlimited props you can buy with that money?! Do you know how many individual, smaller props you could've bought?! Do you know you could buy a fucking 15 ft phantom from Home Depot for $400, and it would attract a hell of a lot more attention?! I think the worst part is that so many of my mutual creeps actually puked out this large sum of money for such garbage. I understand that it still is technically a Slim prop, and I understand that love for the movie and nostalgia may sway decisions. But in my defense, shouldn't that love make you angry that we are being ripped off on something we've always wanted? "Well, they're probably not gonna make another one in a while, so I guess I'll just cave and buy this cause I love Killer Klowns so--" NOO!!! DON'T DO THAT!! Why settle for something so mediocre?! When you give Spirit this money, you are telling them, "This is what I want. Keep doing this." I say NO. I want them to STOP doing this. And hopefully they have, since to my knowledge, Party Time doesn't seem to be producing any of the animatronics this year. 

I really wanted this prop to be so good. But somehow, even with the blueprints for success, they completely fucked it up. If you want to pay $400 for an animatronic that isn't film accurate or high quality but sort of resembles Slim, Spirit is selling one right now. But if you want a good Slim animatronic, keep looking. The best thing to do is either wait for a new one or buy the Trick or Treat Studios costume and frankenstein your own prop. It'll look better at least.