LUCKY LIZ AND FRANK'S CREATION: WHAT A CROCK
My most beloved pastime next to graverobbing is complaining about pointless BULLSHIT, so what a wretched bout of happiness I am in! Spirit Halloween has released their two LATE NOVEMNER PROPS, and they are.... surprise! NOT SILENT & DEADLY! Despite the gratuitous amount of testicle-tickling this year. I am not surprised in the slightest. At this point, if Jack the Shitter releases a worldwide newsletter that reaches decrepit bodies from all over the globe covered in references to a prop like BARNYARD BUTCHER, there's still a 99% chance that prop is not coming back that year. In place of highly-anticipated returns are DISAPPOINTMENT, SHAME, and OTHER SIMILAR WORDS!!
The first up, released on November 21st for the 93rd anniversary of the title film is FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER. Now you must understand, dear reader, that this reveal scathed much more due to the fact that it was NOT Silent & Deadly, but we already talked about that. By itself, can you say mediocre? The sculpt and clothes are ALRIGHT. It DOES look like Boris, but that's all this monster has to get its claws on. Another large factor in this disappointment is that Home Depot had a similar, taller, much more advanced prop this same year. It didn't look all too much like the film, but HD has a masterful marketing technique called SELLING THEIR PROPS BEFORE FUCKING HALLOWEEN. For this one in particular, months before Halloween! Everyone and their Grandma who wanted a Frank already got one, one with blinking eyes and moving arms, not one that sticks its ass out. The only inhuman creatures who would actually pay money for this thing are Spirit Shills and.........?
And just tonight, at the time of scripting this ravage, the second prop leaked! A prop by the name of LUCKY LIZ...... oh, Christ! Your eyes do not deceive you; this is indeed VERY RELATED to the laughable Lucky Bottoms. A reskin of a prop that doesn't do more than compel the slightest amusement in me. At a glance, you may mistake this for a Deviantartist's fanmade MS Paint Edit Spirit 2025 Prop Idea. But this is REAL. Someone ACTUALLY DESIGNED THIS. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! Now that the shock has worn off, we can proceed with more civilized analysis. At its core, it is something that has been requested frequently at least to my knowledge: a female clown. However this does nothing but check a box. When we say we want more female clowns, it is reasonable to expect wicked crazy things called ORIGINAL IDEAS and CREATIVE DESIGN. Already just doing a reskin is the shittiest cop-out I can think of. "Here's your female clown, bro! Now you're sated for the next 4 years until we feel obligated to make another one." FUCK. YOU. (This is hyperbole, I'm not actually this upset over Chinese plastic.) Besides this blistering blunder, above all, she is NOT SCARY. And that is all we ask for, it's Halloween, for Hell's sake!! The only person who would hypothetically be frightened by this is a child, judging from the stature of 2 feet, but last I checked, children eat these bright-colored props for breakfast. So at the end of the night, this prop pleases NO ONE. If it had been fully life sized, with a more fleshed-out design that may have even taken inspiration from Lucky Bottoms but still drove its own hearse, she would be perfect. But she is not.
The first up, released on November 21st for the 93rd anniversary of the title film is FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER. Now you must understand, dear reader, that this reveal scathed much more due to the fact that it was NOT Silent & Deadly, but we already talked about that. By itself, can you say mediocre? The sculpt and clothes are ALRIGHT. It DOES look like Boris, but that's all this monster has to get its claws on. Another large factor in this disappointment is that Home Depot had a similar, taller, much more advanced prop this same year. It didn't look all too much like the film, but HD has a masterful marketing technique called SELLING THEIR PROPS BEFORE FUCKING HALLOWEEN. For this one in particular, months before Halloween! Everyone and their Grandma who wanted a Frank already got one, one with blinking eyes and moving arms, not one that sticks its ass out. The only inhuman creatures who would actually pay money for this thing are Spirit Shills and.........?
And just tonight, at the time of scripting this ravage, the second prop leaked! A prop by the name of LUCKY LIZ...... oh, Christ! Your eyes do not deceive you; this is indeed VERY RELATED to the laughable Lucky Bottoms. A reskin of a prop that doesn't do more than compel the slightest amusement in me. At a glance, you may mistake this for a Deviantartist's fanmade MS Paint Edit Spirit 2025 Prop Idea. But this is REAL. Someone ACTUALLY DESIGNED THIS. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! Now that the shock has worn off, we can proceed with more civilized analysis. At its core, it is something that has been requested frequently at least to my knowledge: a female clown. However this does nothing but check a box. When we say we want more female clowns, it is reasonable to expect wicked crazy things called ORIGINAL IDEAS and CREATIVE DESIGN. Already just doing a reskin is the shittiest cop-out I can think of. "Here's your female clown, bro! Now you're sated for the next 4 years until we feel obligated to make another one." FUCK. YOU. (This is hyperbole, I'm not actually this upset over Chinese plastic.) Besides this blistering blunder, above all, she is NOT SCARY. And that is all we ask for, it's Halloween, for Hell's sake!! The only person who would hypothetically be frightened by this is a child, judging from the stature of 2 feet, but last I checked, children eat these bright-colored props for breakfast. So at the end of the night, this prop pleases NO ONE. If it had been fully life sized, with a more fleshed-out design that may have even taken inspiration from Lucky Bottoms but still drove its own hearse, she would be perfect. But she is not.
That's the end! Or is it? There is rumor among the ceme-try that a THIRD prop may be revealed, going by the name of "The Exterminator..." Intriguing.... but taking heed of what you have just read, I would lower my expectations. Way down. Mark the grave.
I haven't heard anything about a third prop release. I think these two are it.
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